Being a reliable friend, partner, or family member can be difficult when you don’t always know what to say or do to help a loved one. They can be experiencing loss of a spouse or child, divorce, a medical issue, or job loss, which can trigger a variety of emotions and pain. When the person you love is experiencing emotional pain, you want to help in any way possible, but it is possible to say the wrong things.

Keep in mind that your loved one is allowed to feel pain or emotional distress. It is acceptable for someone who, for instance, was let go from their job to feel pessimistic and worry about their future. Instead of telling them not to worry or not to be upset, perhaps remind them that their feelings are valid and that a new job will eventually show itself. Feeling heard and understood will allow your loved one to feel less alone and more connected to you. In addition, not attempting to solve their problem and instead, merely listening to them can go a long way. For example, avoid telling your loved one who lost their job to “move on” from their old job and “you were too good for that job anyway. While these things can help their esteem, address more of what they are currently feeling, by saying “I know you worked very hard for that position. You are devastated and hurt.”.

After you have respected their feelings, perhaps they needed to vent for a while, ask what they need from you. They may want to go out with some friends, grab a meal, or a walk, whatever helps them cope. Next, while you and your loved one are going for a walk, reveal your perspective. For instance, tell your loved one, “It seemed like you struggled with being recognized for your hard work.” This will allow your loved one to see the bigger picture from your perspective and put aside their clouded judgement.

Be sure to check up on your loved one, even if you don’t think they need your support anymore. You never know if someone is still feeling emotional pain, so it won’t hurt to send a text or call every now and then. Let them know that you support them and will be “there”. If you notice your loved one continues to struggle with an event and is unable to move on, it is okay to suggest therapeutic methods, in a respectable way. It is not easy to be “there” for someone, but once you have shown your support, your relationship with your loved one will strengthen, and they will feel emotionally secure.