Are you concerned about your teenager’s behavior? Are the changes you see in him too much to bear? It is natural for a parent to mourn their child’s previous years due to these drastic changes. You might notice your child spending more time in their room or away from the family. Anxiety can explain this type of teenage behavior.

A large amount of biological and psychological maturation brings adolescents with feelings of anxiety. Changes in brain chemistry, a surge of hormones, and an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex produce changes teens resulting in low self-esteem, mood swings, and lack of impulse control. Teenagers are often so overwhelmed with hormones and emotions that they do not understand the situations that they are in. In addition, social, sexual, and academic tension can cause teens to experience euphoria, crushed feelings, or anxiety all in one day.

As anxiety builds, so does physical and emotional tension. However, teenagers have limited emotional vocabulary, causing them to have more feelings than words. Without the ability to express themselves, the pressure builds, resulting in disruptive behaviors such as erratic moods or impulsive choices. Holding to such high ideals for teenagers during this challenging period only sets the stage for more conflicts.

Consider what teenagers have to deal with today that past generations did not:

• School shooters
• Ongoing terrorist threats
• The opiate crisis
• Toxic social media outlets
• Skyrocketing college debt
• Competitive standardized testing

Emotional tension is at the core of teen angst. When teens feel anxious, they can’t regulate their moods or impulses and have trouble focusing. Perhaps they have difficulty falling asleep or difficulty waking up because anxiety disrupts all aspects of their functioning.

If you feel that your teenager is anxious, be careful not to increase their anxiety by becoming reactive and punitive. Constant yelling, blaming, criticizing, and other aggressive choices will drive your teenager away from you and spike their anxiety. As anxiety intensifies, so do destructive behaviors such as cutting, eating disorders, or substance abuse.

Here are five ways to lower anxiety in your teenager:

1. Model the behaviors you want to see.  Do your best to model restraint and keep communication flowing. For example, being upset over an unmade bed, at the cost of damaging your relationship, is not worth it.
2. Teens are impulsive and reactive adults should not be. Step away from conflict when it gets heated, take a breather, and calm down. When you come back, try to address the core feelings supporting the conflict rather than repeating the behavior.
3. Don’t wait for a problem to emerge to address it. Family meetings are a perfect time to show your child appreciation. The ultimate goal of family meetings is to provide an outlet to support healthy communication.
4. Structure soothes anxiety. Routines such as family dinners, bedtimes, curfews, etc., help teenagers feel safe and cared for. It is okay to be flexible, but without consistency, teens tend to feel out of control.
5. Take a break from social media. Compulsive technology use is a growing issue with emotional consequences. Look for creative outlets that are soothing, such as music, art, or exercise. Additionally, remember to practice self-care for yourself. An unhappy or burnt-out parent is a burden to a child at any age.

If your child is seriously facing anxiety issues, remember that it is okay for them to get professional help. Take initiative, as the parent, to give them the help your teen needs during this difficult time.