Co-parenting: What is it and how do we do it after a divorce?

Whether parents are married or not, co-parenting responsibilities apply to both. Co-parenting plays a vital role in determining how well children will adjust to the transition associated with a separation or divorce. Primary residential custody parents are usually more involved in their children’s welfare on a day-to-day basis.

The first step is choosing your battles. For example, talk to the other parent if there is an issue about schoolwork or punctuality. However, foregoing an all-out fight over the other parent’s choice of clothing or snack food for your child might be a good idea. These topics can be discussed again after some of the emotional intensity of the divorce has subsided.

Making healthy decisions for their children is more likely when parents choose their battles and cooperate when they disagree. Parental agreement on any one particular issue is less important than encouraging a spirit of cooperation overall. Furthermore, parents who acknowledge and deal effectively with their own difficult feelings about the divorce usually have an easier time moving on. On the other hand, recurrent arguments between parents complicate both children and parents’ lives. If parents fight for their agendas and do not create a peaceful environment, their children may develop bitter feelings and have difficulties with their own intimate relationships later in life.

During the divorce process, how do I maintain a stable environment for my kids and myself?

Both parents and children experience many changes after a divorce. Children’s support networks may become more diverse after divorce. If the divorce requires moving, it might lead to a loss of friendships and school ties. Extended family relationships might also change with the divorce. Try to maintain your lifestyle as close as possible to what it was before the divorce to minimize stress on your children.

Whenever possible, maintain a stable support system of friends, family, and school. If you have to make changes, make sure you give your children plenty of notice. Children will be more comfortable with such changes if their parents are more comfortable with them.

Usually, there is an adjustment period of several weeks to several months after the divorce becomes final. New routines, schedules, and living arrangements are being adjusted during this time. Life may not seem normal for a while. Relax; it will get better. Adaptation differs from child to child (and even within a family). Not every child is open about the changes they are experiencing. Others may be quieter. Give your children the space they need.